1. I'm petrified of spiders. There are always spiders in my garage. Every morning when i open the garage, i try to touch the door as little as i can, and then jump back and let it swing open on its own. I'm sure if i stand too close a spider will fall on me.
2. I hate my breasts. if i had the money i'd get a reduction. if i got breast cancer, i'd welcome a mastectomy. As a kid at school i was horribly self conscious about them, mostly because i got teased.
3. I'm an intellectual elitist.
4. When i find out that someone i otherwise thought was an intelligent person is religious, even if i like them i can't help thinking a little less of them.
5. When i was in school my biggest dream was to be an astronaut, right up to matric, and even a bit into varsity.
6. When i was 16 i desperately wanted to kill myself, but i could never bring myself to go through with it. Instead, i just cut myself.
7. I should have been head girl at my school. When i didn't get chosen, the principal told me in her office in private that it wasn't because i wasn't the best choice. it was because i wasn't popular. later in the year the headgirl got suspended for taking drugs. I've never felt so vindicated in my life.
8. When i was two i stole money from the next door neighbour and my dad hit me with a belt.
9. I am afraid of dying. Not just in the nebulous, don't like to think about it kind of way. I'm really afraid of it, in the obsess about it kind of way.
10. When i was very young i would do puzzles upside down without the pictures.
11. I'm in a constant stuggle between perfectionism and outright laziness. Some days the one wins, some days the other.
12. When i was a year old i could say 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious'.
13. Sometimes i don't try something just in case i'm no good at it.
14. If i could do anything in the world i would write for a living.
15. I have a memory of being four years old and sitting in the bath shivering as the water grew colder and colder, too scared to get out because my parents were fighting.
16. I didn't talk to my dad for three years because of his alcoholism. i didn't invite him to my first graduation.
17. My last boyfriend said he loved me but treated me like the least important thing in his life. I worshipped him and even changed who i was for him. Two years after leaving him, i'm still angry with myself for staying with him as long as i did. it's probably the one thing i most regret in my life.
18. I still have nightmares about his parents.
19. My only experiences with drugs are second hand weed smoke, and nitrous oxide. I'm curious, but i'm also afraid of losing control in front of people and making a fool of myself. It's the same reason i've never been drunk in my life.
20. I struggled to think of something to put in the last spot that didn't seem lame.
I'm not sure yet if i'm going to pass this on.